Let's make this a tradition.

To our dearest Ohno Satoshi:
To you, Ohno Satoshi, who...
                makes me squeal at the sound of his smexy voice,
                makes fangirls gape at his HIPnotic movements,
                never fails to astound his fans,
                had unknowingly made himself a god in cute Chinen's eyes,
                almost eats everything and finds them delicious,
                rolls around in a cardboard loop to look like a hamster,
                has Nino for a wife,
                make me curious because of his art,
                leads Arashi successfully even without really leading them,
                shops with his mom,
                enthusiastically fights with Nakai,

       All of this and a whole lot more,
       We, your fangirls, wish you a very happy (27th) birthday.
       May you eat all you want, drink all you want, sing and dance all you want,
       and find peace and get married by 30 to have cute little kiddies, happiness and prosperity.
      
Happy Birthday, Ohno Satoshi!

I think I'm going to do this every birthday.  :D